Results for "Husband Wife Funny Jokes"
Izzat bech bech ke hi to zevar kharide the !!!!

Izzat bech bech ke hi to zevar kharide the !!!!


Lutero ne ladki ke zevar loot liye!

Log bole: Shukar Karo, zevar hi gaye, bhabhi ki izzat to bach gayi

Bhabhi Chillai:

Kamino…
Izzat bech bech ke hi to zevar kharide the !!!!

aab news Tuesday, 24 March 2015
Whatsapp last seen Husband Wife Jokes

Whatsapp funny Last seen Jokes


A wife wrote this specially for her husband:

Kabhi kabhi mere dil me
ye khayal aata hai….

Kabhi kabhi mere dil me
ye khayal aata hai….

“Jab tu 11.30pm baje so jata hai,

Toh next day morning tera whatsapp
‘last seen at 2.30am’ kyun batata hai…?



Pati patni ki fight

Wife: aap bahut mote ho gaye ho...

Husband: tum bhi to kitni moti ho gayi ho..

Wife: main to maa banane wali hoon!


Husband: main bhi to baap banane wala hoon!!! Lol


aab news
Funny Jokes on Husband
Sada rehte ko biwi ke khauff mein,

Kuch din toh gujaro BANGKOK mein 

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"Happy winters" to -
married peoples
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and for singles "-keep Using Facebook inside your blanket on your smartphones 


To Be 26 Again.. Funny Jokes on Husband Wife
" To Be 26 Again! "��

A man in his late 40s was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked her what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be 26 again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

On her birthday morning, he rose early, made her a nice big cup of coffee & then took her to Adventure World theme park on a bike.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of
Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything....

5 hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling & her stomach felt upside
down.

He then took her to the most exotic restaurant where they ate and danced like never before.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn,
a soda, & her favorite chocolate. What a fabulous
adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband & collapsed into d sofa exhausted.

He looked at his wife with a big smile & lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being 26 again?"

Her eyes slowly opened & her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my waist size, u idiot !" ��


Moral : No matter how attentively u listen to a woman, u are still gonna get it wrong ��



Husband dial wrong Number..
Husband wanted to call the hospital
to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium..

He asks, "How's the situation?"
He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.. 

They said, "It's fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,

last one was a duck!"..  
aab news
How to keep wife happy .
. . .
�� How to keep wife happy . . . .

It's really not difficult to make a wife happy. 
A husband only needs to be:

1. a friend 
2. a companion 
3. a lover 
4. a brother 
5. a father 
6. a man 
7. a chef 
8. an electrician 
9. a carpenter 
10. a plumber 
11. a mechanic 
12. a decorator 
13. a stylist 
14. a charmer
15. a gynecologist 
16. a psychologist 
17. a bug exterminator
18. a psychiatrist 
19. a healer 
20. a good listener 
21. an organizer 
22. a good father 
23. Very clean 
24. Sympathetic 
25. Athletic 
26. Warm 
27. Attentive 
28. Gallant 
29. Intelligent 
30. Funny 
31. Creative 
32. Tender 
33. Strong 
34. Understanding 
35. Tolerant 
36. Prudent 
37. Ambitious 
38. Capable 
39. Courageous 
40. Determined 
41. True 
42. Dependable 
43. Passionate 
44. Compassionate 

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 

45. Give her compliments frequently
46. Love shopping 
47. Be honest 
48. Be very rich 
49. Never stress her 
50. Never look at other women!

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space 

VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays 
* anniversaries 
* her favorite color 
* her favorite flower 
* her favorite gem 
* her favorite fragrance 
* her favorite memories 
* her favorite holidays 
* her favorite friends 
* her favorite vacation destinations
* her favorite beverage 
* her favorite food 
* her favorite restaurant 
* any arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE HUSBAND HAPPY

Just leave him alone.....with his TV remote...and his favourite drink.....And he'll be just fine...����������
Dedicated to all .....married people

aab news
Desh me sabse imaandar police wale kaha paye jate hai
Teacher :- Desh me sabse imaandar police wale kaha paye jate hai ? Student :- Savdhan india aur crime patrol me.

If you convince woman..
If you can convince a female in less than 5 minutes then she is your mom.
If you can convince a female in 15 minutes then she is your sister.
If you can convince a female in 30 minutes then she is your daughter.
If you can convince a female in 1 hour then she is your girl friend.
If you can convince a female in 3 hour then she is your lover.

And ultimately....
If you can't or don't even get a chance to convince a female then she is your wife...!!!

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aab news
Husband Wife English Jokes Cool or Funny?

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

You know what Martha?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."

aab news
5 Best Saas bahu ke latest Jokes

Saas Bahu Ki Demand -

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Ladki Khobsorat ho
Ameer ho, Padhi Likhi ho, Kam Umar Ho
Ghar K Kaam Kaaj Mein Maahir Ho
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Ladki Ki Demand
(SIMPLE)
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Saas Na Ho..   
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Bahu ka Affair

Bahu Ka Pahila Affair Sunne Ke Baad Sasur Ne Bahu Ko Mara!
Dusra Afair Pata Lagne Par Pati Ne Mara
Lekin Saas Har Bar Chup Rahi Kyun??

Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi..!!
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Pagal Bahu 

Saas Bahu Se:Aaj Se Tum Muje MAA Or Saaur Ko PAPA Kehna
Bahu:Samajh Gai
Sham Ko uska Pati Ghar Aya 2 Boli:

Maa! Bhaiyya Ghar Aa gaye hai..
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aab news
Today's Funny Jokes

Wife: "Great being married to you for 13 years." 
Me: "13?" 
Wife: "Yep, decided to count only the years you were home."
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Aaj kal ka Pyar 1000 ke note jaisa
hota hai..
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hamesha Dar laga rehta hai ki kahin
nakli na nikle..

aab news
Today's husband Wife Jokes

A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting
����������������

A married man's prayer; 
Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away. 
U gave me youth, u took it away. 
U gave me a wife.......... 
Its been years now, 
just reminding u...... ��������
 ����

Prize winning message of the year :

Wife at night : Tell me how much did Sachin score in 2003 world cup against Pakistan? 

Husband : 98, why u are asking ?

Wife : Now tell me why you didn't wish me for my birthday since morning ?

Silence...........……

Husband couldn't even say, I have a bad memory 

����������
This is called... 
Check n mate...……

aab news
Funny Engineer's wife jokes

Car vs Wife for Engineer

An engineer went to police station for
filing report for his missing wife.
Engineer : I lost my wife ,she went for
shopping and still not reached home yet.
Inspector : What is her height?
Engineer : I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Engineer : Not slim can be healthy.
Inspector : Colour of her eyes?
Engineer : Never noticed.
Inspector : Colour of hair.
Engineer : Changes according to
season.
Inspector : What was she wearing?
Engineer : Saree/Churidar/Salwar/Kurta I
don't remember exactly.
Inspector : Was she going in a car?
Engineer : Yes.
Inspector : Tell me the number ,name and
color of the car.
Engineer : Black Audi A8 with
Supercharged 3.0 liter V6 engine
generating 333 horse power teamed with
an eight-
speed tiptronic automatic
transmission with manual mode.
And it has full LED
headlights, which use light
emitting diodes for all light
functions and has a very thin scratch on
the front left door.... And
then the engineer started crying…..
Inspector: Don't worry sir, hum gaadi
dhoond lenge.

aab news
Whatsapp Jokes of the Day

Wife: Meri sharafat dekho..
Maine tumhe dekhe bagair shaadi karli...
Husband: Aur meri sharafat dekho..
Maine dekh kar bhi inkaar nahi kiya..



Wife: Phone pe itni dheemi awaaz mein kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Husband: Behen hai..!
Wife: To fir itni dheemi aawaz mein kis liye?
Husband: Teri hai is liye.. 


WIFE: Suno ji, agar tumhare baal isi raftaar se jhadte rahe toh main tumhein talaaq de doongi!!
Pati: Ya Allah, aur main paagal inko bachaane ki koshish kar raha tha.....

Wife: Tum Saari Duniya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi......
Husband: Tum Kya Samajhti Ho? Main Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi..

Taxiwala:- 
"Saheb Break fail ho gayi hai, Gaadi rukti nahi, kya karu?"
Passenger :- "PEHLE TU METER BAND KAR.!" 

Why Hindu Law doesn't permit second marriage?
Answer:- Indian Constitution article 20(2) says: "No human can be punished twice for the same offence..


Jagjit Singh singing- Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shaurat bhi lelo..
Suddenly Santa stands up & says-Main toh bahut pareshan hoon, meri toh aurat bhi lelo....

aab news
Bichare Ladke !!!

boy: mom aaj khane me kya bnaya hai...

mom: baigan ki sabji...

boy: kya mom har bar baigan ki sabji...

mom: ye sab najkhre apni bivi ke samne karna....tab to muh se ik shabad nhi niklega jo vo banaygi chup chap khaloge...!!

boy:kkk lao  baigan hi khata hu...

  after marriage..........

boy: aaj khane me kya banna hai darling..

wife: baigan ki sabzi..!!

boy: kya??  baigan ki sabzi...

wife: ye nakhre na apni maa k samne kiya karo tab to kuch ni bolte   ...

boy:  acha lao baigan ki sabzi

bechare ladke...��

aab news
What does kiss means by Wife

Funny Valentine jokes on Wife

At a dinner party, the guest of honour was about to deliver his speech
when his wife, sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of
paper with the word   “ KISS "   scribbled on it.

A guest seated next to the speaker said,  “ So your wife has sent you
a kiss for good luck.    She must love you very much.”

The speaker replied,   “ You don’t know my wife.    The letters stand for
‘ Keep  It  Short ,  Stupid ’.




Confused father or extra marital affairs ?

A Lady on telephone:
Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you..
Man: do u know me..

Lady: Yes you are the father of one of my kids.
Man stunned,
Oh my God!
Are u Tanya????
No
Are U Katrina ???
No
Are u Nisha?
No
Neha?
No
Monika?
No
Anushka?
No
Mitali?
No
Vaishali?
No
Lady in confusion…
No sir i’m the class teacher of your son!!

aab news
Always love your Husband !!

Always love your husband...... 

Love your husband when he orders you to make tea or coffee 
because he wants to feel fresh to listen your nonstop talks... 

Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females 
because he is just checking that you are still the best ? 

Love him if he criticizes your cooking 
because he is still improving his taste. 

Love him if he snores at night and disturbs your sleep 
because he is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person
after being married to you. 

Love him if he forgets to give you a gift on your 
birthday because he is saving money for your future. 

Love him... 
Because you don't have a choice and 
killing is a legal offence.

aab news
Overacting jokes

A man died and went to heaven..God was surprised to see his heart was still beating.. God asked him, how come??The man replied ; I'm dead but my wife still lives in my heart.. 

The man was immediately sent to Hell for over acting..


Biwi ke aage sab bhigi billi

Here list of people situation at Home


1. POLICEMAN= Sab Mujh se Darte hai, aur Mai Biwi se
2. MOCHI= Mai Juto ki Marammat karta hu, aur Biwi Meri
3. TEACHER= Mai School me Lecture deta hu, aur Ghar me Sirf Sunta hu
4. OFFICER= Me Office me BOSS hu, aur Ghar me Naukar
5. JUDGE= Mai Court me Faisla Sunata hu, aur Ghar me Khud insaaf ko Tarasta hu
Moral:
Aapki global position koi bi ho..ghar jao, pata chalega..


Sidhi baat No Bakwas


Sidhi baat No Bakwas.. Pati Patni and Sprite
Patni:

Aaap jub desi pee kar aate hai toh mujhe..............Paro kehte hai.

Aaap jub Angreji pee kar aate hai toh mujhe...........Darling kehte hai.
Phir aaj apne mujhe bhootni aur chudail kyu kaha.

Pati:
Aaj mae Sprite pee kar aya hu is liye sidhi baat no bakwas.

aab news
Funny Poem written By Husband And Wife


*Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND*


WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed..
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away..Then
I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack..

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza
He saw me thirsty,
he created Pepsi
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems,
he created YOU.
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far..
HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like you, should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you..

aab news
Funny whatsapp jokes collection

Me and my crush have one thing in common! We never talked
to each other! ;_;
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Smile at a cute foreigner girl & her
whole family will smile at you.
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Smile at a cute Indian girl & her
whole family will beat you
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Girl 1: I am worried babe
Girl 2: About what babe?
Girl 1: My boyfriend isn't liking my profile
pictures now
Girl 2: OMG, he has an affair
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Wife: I lost my keys again.
Husband: It's in your Jeans.
Wife: Don't drag my family into this!

Pati Aur Patni ke zagade

Patni:- main tumse jo kuch bhi kahti hu tum ek kaan se sunkar doosre se nikaal dete ho.
Pati:-aur main tumse kuch bhi kahta hu to tum dono kaan se sunkar muh se nikaal deti ho.

aab news
Top husbund wife Messages of 2014

The best joke I have heard in 2014

Wife : Shall I prepare Sambhar or Rasam today . Husband : First make it, we will name it later ��
A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear Google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting

A married man's prayer;

Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away.
U gave me youth, u took it away.
U gave me a wife.......... Its been years now,
just reminding u......
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"
Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"
Couldn't stop sharing this one...
Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
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Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??
Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo! That was the deal

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook.

Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :

"Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed"

aab news
BC Kutta: Chal lunch karte hai, teri favourite dish konsi hai?
Alia Bhatt : Videocon D2H HD
BC Kutta : Eski maa ka Jingalala.. Aj me khud ko goli mar lunga


 Mahesh Bhatt: Atal Bihari Vajpayee ji ko Bharat Ratna Mila Hai 
Alia Bhatt: Very Lucky.. Par Khoya kiska tha??


Alia Bhatt got Angry !! 



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